Dr. Kerry Neal

Fontana, CA — This article is mainly for all the men out there, of all ages, but especially for the young bros and YNs—you don’t know what you don’t know. As my grandmother would say, once you know better, do better!

Thanks to a longtime friend and partner in this relationship-improvement movement, Marvin Lawton, I was introduced to a concept that woke me up so quickly that I couldn’t wait to share it. If you’re out there dating multiple people and having fun, this theory might radically change how you think about your time, money, and emotional energy.

But first, let’s define “hustle” within the context of this article.

Although we often use “hustling” to mean hard work and determination, that is NOT what I mean here. The word can also imply deception, manipulation, or a scam.

• “That investment scheme was a hustle.”
• “He got hustled out of fifty bucks.”

In this sense, a hustle is a con, and a hustler is someone who profits through trickery, while to be hustled means you’ve been tricked.

Now, back to our article.

After years of dating and reflecting on his experiences, Marvin Lawton noticed a pattern that many men likely share. As a mathematics major, he naturally translated his observations into what he calls the 1-to-60 Ratio Theory.

The “1” represents one minute of a man’s access to a preferred outcome—sexual intimacy. The “60” represents both 60 minutes of time and roughly $60 invested to achieve that one minute.

According to Lawton, a typical man spends about an hour and roughly $60 to obtain one minute of the experience he desires. Extend that logic to an average six-minute encounter, and the investment becomes six hours and $360.

Now, some of you may not think that ratio sounds so bad. But what happens when you are entertaining multiple women with no intention of building anything meaningful? The numbers—and the opportunity costs—grow exponentially.

Think about it. The pursuit itself can become so consuming that we normalize spending enormous amounts of time, money, and emotional bandwidth for fleeting moments of gratification. As you age, you realize that time, not money, is the one resource you never get back.

But before we blame women, let’s be clear: most men are not being hustled by women. They are often hustled by their own impulses, egos, loneliness, and lack of intentionality.

Clinical psychologist and relationship expert Dr. Thema Bryant often reminds us that healing requires self-awareness and honesty about what truly motivates our choices. If a man seeks validation, escapism, or status through dating, no amount of romantic success will fill a deeper emotional void.

Likewise, therapist and author Dr. Joy Harden Bradford has spoken extensively about intentional relationships, emphasizing that clarity about one’s needs and values prevents people from using others—or being used themselves—as emotional placeholders.

Relationship expert Dr. Zoe Shaw often notes that many adults confuse chemistry with compatibility. Attraction is immediate; alignment requires time, conversation, and shared vision. The former costs little effort, while the latter demands maturity and discipline.

Even Stephan Speaks has argued that many people date for temporary feelings rather than long-term outcomes. When entertainment becomes the goal, the costs—financial, emotional, and spiritual—are rarely calculated.

So, what should men do?

First, date with intention. If you know you do not want a serious relationship, be honest about it. Transparency protects everyone involved.

Second, audit your investments. Ask yourself: How much time, money, and emotional energy am I investing, and what am I genuinely receiving in return? Is it fulfillment, companionship, growth, or simply momentary pleasure?

Third, stop confusing access with achievement. Modern culture often celebrates body counts, options, and endless dating opportunities. Yet quantity has never guaranteed quality, and attention is not the same as intimacy.

Finally, understand that the greatest hustle and self-deception may be convincing yourself that temporary gratification is happiness.

The older I get, the more I realize that meaningful relationships are not built on endless pursuit; they are built on purpose, compatibility, mutual respect, and peace.

So yes, gentlemen, you might be getting hustled—but perhaps not by women at all. You may be getting hustled by the version of yourself that refuses to account for the true cost of chasing what was never meant to last.