Fontana, CA — Well, those are two words you rarely see together. In fact, many people would probably say that “dating” and “discipline” have very little in common—if they are not complete opposites. And when you hear some of the dating stories out there, it is hard to dispute that view.

But if there is any place where discipline is desperately needed, it is in dating.

Let me explain.

For those new to my platform—and as a reminder to those familiar with my mission—I believe dating should primarily be reserved for people who are emotionally available and intentionally exploring the possibility of an exclusive partnership. That partnership might eventually lead to marriage, although marriage is not necessarily everyone’s goal.

Anything else should be identified honestly for what it is: recreational dating.

Now, before some of you think I am going off the deep end, ladies, let me start with you. Why allow a man to take you out repeatedly, cover all the expenses, and invest his time when you already know you do not see a future with him?

And why continue entertaining him when he has clearly communicated that he is merely “vibing,” “chilling,” “going with the flow,” or using some other phrase that says everything except, “I am intentionally getting to know you because I see the possibility of building something together”?

If you know he is not the one—and you are truly finished with the sideshows—do not keep accepting dates because you are bored, hungry, lonely or enjoy the attention. You are not required to dislike him. You simply need to be honest with him.

Should you decide to spend time together as friends, say so clearly and be prepared to pay your own tab. That is not punishment. That is clarity.

Conversely, when you believe someone could potentially become a spouse or committed partner, get the necessary information on the record. Ask direct questions about intentions, relationship readiness, family goals, values, and emotional availability.

Do not interrogate the person during appetizers, but do not spend six months deciphering clues that could have been clarified through one mature conversation.

Ambiguity may feel less threatening than rejection, but it is often more expensive emotionally.

Therapists increasingly describe modern daters as exhausted, discouraged, jaded and burned out. Dating apps can create the impression that another—and possibly better—person is always one swipe away. Research suggests that an abundance of perceived options may cause people to continue searching while becoming less satisfied with the choices in front of them.

Now, a word specifically to men.

Fellas, if you cannot manage your sexual desires—even when an opportunity is presented to you on a silver platter—you have not fully mastered yourself.

I do not want to hear that men were not created to be monogamous. Desire is natural. Dishonesty is a decision. Attraction may be spontaneous, but behavior is governed by values, character, and self-control.

Sexual discipline is not a weakness. It means refusing to use another person’s body to medicate loneliness, soothe insecurity, prove masculinity, or escape emotional responsibility. It also means recognizing that your pursuit of pleasure may have consequences that extend far beyond the moment: unintended pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, emotional entanglement, betrayed partners, complicated friendships, and children born into unstable circumstances.

We continue to see pregnancies among adolescents, including rare but deeply concerning cases among girls younger than 15. These situations can alter educational, economic, medical, and family trajectories for years. That should remind us that sexual behavior is never entirely detached from responsibility.

But let us be intellectually honest: research does not show that every casual sexual encounter emotionally damages every adult. Some studies have found no significant difference in psychological well-being between young adults whose most recent partner was casual and those in committed relationships. Other research suggests that outcomes depend heavily on a person’s motivation, attachment style, expectations, and whether the decision was genuinely wanted or driven by pressure, loneliness, low self-esteem, or the desire to secure affection.

That nuance matters.

The problem is not simply that people date or have sex differently than previous generations. The problem is that too many people enter into relationships that conflict with what they truly want. They agree to casual sex while secretly hoping it will lead to commitment. They accept situationships while longing for security. They date multiple people while claiming to want emotional depth. They keep one person nearby for companionship while searching for someone they consider better.

Eventually, this behavior trains people to detach before intimacy can develop, distrust sincerity, treat vulnerability as foolishness, and approach potential partners as replaceable commodities.

Dr. John Gottman’s decades of relationship research show that lasting love is not built on chemistry alone. Trust grows through consistent behavior, emotional attunement, turning toward one another, and choosing the relationship in everyday actions. Commitment is not merely a title; it is a pattern of conduct.

So, what does dating discipline look like?

It means knowing what you want before involving someone else. It means not dating when you are emotionally unavailable. It means asking clear questions, respecting clear answers, and refusing to exploit ambiguity. It means pacing physical intimacy so that chemistry does not outpace character. It means ending connections respectfully rather than ghosting. And it means taking a break when disappointment has left you cynical, careless, or unable to treat new people fairly.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is serious business. We are trading peace, autonomy and emotional health for behaviors that profoundly complicate our lives.

Let me be clear: dating discipline will not guarantee that you will never face rejection or heartbreak. It will, however, reduce unnecessary confusion, collateral damage, and self-betrayal.

The objective is not merely to find someone who chooses you.

The objective is to become disciplined enough to choose wisely—and courageous enough to walk away when what is being offered does not align with the life and love you claim to want.